Maybe it's the full moon out tonight. Maybe it's the fact that there is NO breeze and it's hot in my room tonight. Maybe it's the pain from the ugly monstrous bumpie that decided to show up in the most inconvenient and irritating of places. I don't know, but I can't sleep.
I have to be thankful...the bumpie feels like it has shrunk some. I can't see it, but I can sure feel it!
Stress. Ah yes. One of the main contributors to this mess. There's some happening in my world. Without going into specifics, I'm worried about a few things. Not little things, these are big major stress inducing problems. I'm sure God will see us through. I'm trying really hard not to question Him on it.
My ex showed up at my front door tonight. Drunk. Apparently he and his girlfriend split up....again.... The boys are about fed up with that whole situation, yet they want their daddy to be happy. I just wish they would talk to him about it. He's not much of a talker tho...he's more of the fun guy. Kinda adds to the stress factor a little. Because of how much my kids hurt on his behalf. I'm a mom...when my kids hurt I hurt!
I got an email today that mentions Jr Prom for Blake. It's quickly approaching. I'm not ready for this. Everything just seems to be happening all at once. Blake is growing up way too fast. My little boy. It doesn't seem like it's been that long ago when I was about to take him to school in 1st grade. He said "Mom, if you want a kiss and hug you have to do it now because you can't in front of the school" (this was just before we walked out the door of the house). and now I'm helping him pick out his class ring, getting emails about Jr Prom, having to admit that he's 1/6 of the way through his 2nd to last year of high school, helping him look at colleges, looking for SAT prep books / study guides. I'm going to cry! I'm going to absolutely break down. This is just happening too fast! I remember how scared I was when I found out that I was pregnant with him. How terrified I was the day I gave birth, and how all of those feelings were replaced by a love I never knew existed when I saw that tiny face, and held that beautiful little boy in my arms for the first time.
I know it seems that I've gotten off subject here, but I haven't. See, to me stress isn't just about things going on around that are bad. Am I stressed about my baby like I just described? Yes. Is it a bad stress? Depends on how you look at it. I think stress (good or bad) releases hormones that obviously by body doesn't know what to do with. So, hey...why not make a bumpie out of it! Yeah! UGH!
Maybe my mind is running in too many different directions and that's why I can't sleep. Hmmm....
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